An iPad update

Posting from my new iPad I got for Christmas from my grandma god it's seriously great!!! I was able to view everyones blogs beautifully over an app call flipboard it's so nice and useful. My RA has been acting up lately so instead of codeine I smoked marijuana yesterday once and today, it really does help I'm never in pain after but I don't like to do it often cause sometimes it does make me feel weird but it didn't yesterday or today :) so that's good. I have to work 7:15 to 12am tonight I really wish I didn't have too :( standing on my feet a few days ago hurt so bad I had to call out the next day I couldn't move. So I will probably try to update more 2011 that's one of my new years resolution. Hope everyone has a pain free Christmas on Saturday!

Shoes!

So my feet have been my main problem lately in terms of pain. I hate hate hate it! Especially when I get up after sleeping and they are still sore! I am on the hunt for a good pair of shoes that will help my feet out. So my question to you readers with RA, what brand of shoes do you wear? Or even insoles ? Thanks!

Pain

I wanna shoot myself up with my meds so damn bad. I woke up this morning and I almost fell getting out of bed i have to immediately put my wrists braces on & my finger joints hurt and my elbows, it's getting worse. I'm at a 8 on the pain scale right now. Tuesday morning i'm rushing to the blood place to get that crap done and pray that I can start my meds again.

This pain SUCKS.

I HATE RA!

Update

On a scale of 1-10, i'm pushing a 6/7 on the pain scale right now. I've been dipping into pain pills and ibprofen. I've offically missed my sunday dose of MTX and my thurs shot of Enbrel. As ordered by my doctor until i can get more blood tests done on the 27th of this month. I'll be missing one more dose of MTX and two more shots until then. Let me tell you I am NOT looking forward to an 8 hour shift tomorrow 9am-5:30p and my boyfriend said if I need to leave early then that's just what I'll have to do. :(

After doing some more googling today concerning my skin reactions I've been getting I came across something called: psoriasis guttate

Here's what i've read so far: (taken from here: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000822.htm)

Guttate psoriasis is a relatively uncommon form of psoriasis. It is usually seen in patients younger than 30. The condition often develops very suddenly, usually after an infection, most notably strep throat. Guttate psoriasis is not contagious.

Psoriasis seems to be an inherited disorder. That means it is passed down through families. Doctors think it probably occurs when the body's immune system mistakes healthy cells for dangerous substances. See: Inflammatory Response

Skin cells grow deep in the skin and normally rise to the surface about once a month. In persons with psoriasis, this process is too fast and dead skin cells build up on the skin's surface.

The following may trigger an attack of psoriasis or make the condition more difficult to treat:

• Bacteria or viral infections, including strep throat and upper respiratory infections (I have been getting multiple infections lately)
  
• Dry air or dry skin
• Injury to the skin, including cuts, burns, and insect bites (this has been happening a lot at work)
  
• Some medicines, including antimalaria drugs, beta-blockers, and lithium
• Stress (which I have a lot of)
  
• Too little sunlight
• Too much sunlight (sunburn)
• Too much alcohol

In general, psoriasis may be severe in persons who have a weakened immune system. This may include persons who have:

• AIDS
• Autoimmune disorders (such as rheumatoid arthritis) **DING DING*
  
• Cancer chemotherapy

Up to 30% of people with psoriasis may also have arthritis, a condition known as psoriatic arthritis. Psoriasis may also affect the nails.

Okay so WHY didn't my RHEUMY mention this sort to me?! I guess I just have to figure everything out myself.

I saw the my primary DR on friday she gave me some steriod cream to rub on my spots this seems to be helping, been applying it twice a day.

This type "Guttate -- Small, pink-red spots appear on the skin." is exactly what it looks like on me. So I was 99% sure I had RA when i first saw my primary DR and now i'm 99% sure this is whats going on with my skin. Don't ever doubt a patient it seems I know my body quiet well now!

I will be taking this info with me when I go back to see either of my docs and let them know. Just like RA there is no cure for this skin issue. Why is it happening over the past few months? no clue. But as my rheumy says two autoimmune diseases open the gates for all others.

FLARES GO AWAY PLEASE!

I've been really sore lately, despite my increase of methotrexate over the past 6 weeks. Maybe it's because it's been cold off and on lately, I really don't know. All I know is my wrists and knees are sore & it's no fun =( I'm super tired too, ughhhh. On a good note I went and did some grocery shopping today, got a crock pot to make some yummy stuff and also picked up lots of fruits and veggies. 5 more days till I see my Rheumy!

venting time

I've always felt like my life was a book. *cue music here* I told myself for many years that I'd love to have someone put my life onto paper. As times passes the urge to have it get done only becomes stronger as I continue to face challenging life events. I'm not the best when it comes to writing but I've thought about doing it myself. I just know I wouldn't be able to sit for hours on end writing nor do I even know the slightest bit about writing a book.

From losing a mother, heartbreak, a car accident, struggling with school, thinking I found love again, & more heartbreak, & becoming diagnosed with a chronic pain disease. It would seem to one that my unfortunate events never seem to fail me... of course with one there always comes another. I've had my fair share of happiness mixed into the despair. I think I've experienced what one would call "hitting rock bottom" but this ceases when a bigger event seems to come my way. Yet here I am, still breathing, still living and trying to conquer everything that gets thrown in my direction, one hit after the next. I like people to believe I'm strong, but sometimes I get tired of pretending to be. What's wrong with letting it all out and crying? I get people asking me "how are you?" a lot lately & quiet honestly I just want to scream I'm horrible, terrible, no... I'm in absolute disbelief on why bad things have to happen to really good people. Is this the depression starting to take over? I don't know whether to feel anger, sadness, disappointment or maybe all three. Can't I just crawl in a hole for awhile & stay there? I'm not asking for forever, I'm just asking for awhile, or at least until I know I can stand up and fight back. Don't get me wrong, I have friends & I have a Dad, & even a fantastic step mom, I have an "almost" significant other If I can call her that who's been here through it all over the past 7 years. Yet here I am, still afraid more then ever of what's to come next.

What is it that's missing?

I went to the cemetery a few days ago & told my mom I have RA. Is that silly? I always wonder what things would be like if she were still here. I miss her. I keep struggling to find the strength inside of myself. I'm not dieing right? At least it's something that won't kill me? Is that it? How is that supposed to make me feel better? It doesn't, I mean It makes me laugh thinking about RA in that way, As if I'd rather suffer from this insane pain I get, these stupid "flares". I didn't ask for this, any of it. I can only pray for a cure one day, or wait patiently for that one medication that will help me get my life back on track. I want my happy ending, I want to reach the light at the end of this long tunnel.

"Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind, she's fallen behind
And she can't find her place, she's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace, she's all over the place, yeah"