Wednesday, November 24, 2010


"I wish I could just wake up one day and not have this stupid disease!!!! I just want some relief... a break, i'm so tired of my RA and how negatively it's impacted my life. I'm tired of worrying about health care and worrying about how much money i'll get a month because it's so hard to work without hurting in some way! I have a rheumy apt nov 29. Last one before the insurance change.

well happy thanksgiving everyone..."

That was my first update on this post. I decided to edit a bit. So I have had a horrid day quiet honestly. I feel like it passed by so fast that the entire day was filled with .. hm, pain and stress and crying. Made tons of phone calls today, 2 pharmacies, 2 doctors, a few insurance companies, a couple lawyers, and ssi.

Mistake for today? yeah i think i'm more happier when i forgot about all this crap in my life and pretend it doesn't exists, oh except for the days that I shoot myself up, that reminds me of just how serious things are. Seriously way to much to handle at age 23.. oh yeah I turned 23 last week on Nov 18th. I've been officially diagnosed ( by my rheumy) with my RA for 1 year. So happy birthday RA and to me.

what's changed? or whats gotten worse? or better?

I can say that my pain has improved since being on biological medication.. but it's not to the point where I would like it to be. I am still in pain .. a LOT. & the winter weather doesn't make it easier either! I've dealt with a lot this past year. & I still feel like i'm grieving! I can't get over the "why me" phase. Not only am I struggling with RA but also the financial hardships it's caused.

how do you all do it? I always used to be so optimistic, but ever since RA all i am is pessimistic!


  1. You don't have to get over the 'why me?' stage as you put it. You have every right to ask that question especially at your age. Makes me terribly sad to read posts like this but it's important that people know how tough it is to cope with.
    Fight when you can and grieve when you need to, both are important.
    Thoughts are with you.

  2. I agree, RA creates a lot of stressful situations in our life. And since stress causes increased sensitivity to pain, it is just one big circle that seems like it will never end.
    As far as how I cope with RA, the biologics help but I will never be pain free. I accept that and go on. I hurt everyday, but I have reset my pain levels to accept a pain of 2-3 as normal. I work 12 hour shifts on concrete 3 days one week and 4 days the next week. Most days I simply go home from work, take a hot shower and go to bed.
    By the way, Happy Belated Birthday.

  3. Hi, I just stumbled across your blog! I'm 23 too, and I was just diagnosed with RA on Christmas Eve. Since I came home to visit for the holidays and have been explaining to family and friends what's going on with me, I keep hearing, "You're too young for this". All I want to do is yell "No kidding!" It's so frustrating hearing this come out of everyone's mouths. Everything you wrote about is everything that I've been feeling lately ... I feel so crummy, exhausted, stressed and negative no matter what I do! But I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone ... there are other young'ins going through the same thing as you. And with that, reading this made me feel a lot better because it reminds me that I'm not alone, either. So thank you! :) And even though some days are hard, it's those good days ... the days that we don't have flare ups and our pain is manageable (however few and far between they are) is what we live for.